CRUSH.. Part I

I suspect this is going to be the first post where I am gonna give away more than I would like to. Of course, poems offer a view into a person's inside like nothing else can, but thats not so obvious to most people. Anyway, here goes...

As one grows up, one's opinion of the world apparently grows less and less rosy, compared to the carefree thoughts of childhood. Ever since I can remember, I have been wondering about the beauty of the English language. However, it is hardly surprising that in recent times, I have been thinking more about the irony of it. Take the word CRUSH for instance; isn't it really ironic how it can mean two exactly opposite emotions? The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines crush as

Crush [1,Verb]: to suppress or overwhelm as if by pressure or weight
Crush [2,Noun]: an intense and usually passing infatuation

Now to me, its really interesting how the failure of Crush(2) can sometimes lead to an experience of Crush(1) on one's heart!! What is really ironic to me is that I have not experienced EITHER of the two crushes. Never in my life ( and I am REALLY thankful for this part) have I experienced an intense instantaneous sadness that has been heavy enough to crush my heart. Also, never in my life ( this part, I'm not that thankful about.. :D) have I felt the sudden and sometimes momentary rush of feelings for a single special person that is generally associated with Crush(2).

This can mean two things.
1) I have been really fortunate to not experience any major tragedies, and I have been a bit unfortunate on the count that I have not yet run into anyone who really rubs me the right way cause she kind of fits my idea of a crush instantly.

2) I am too practical-headed and stone-hearted, too disconnected and aloof, to experience any emotion in an extreme state.

Both these possibilities shall probably be pondered upon aloud in the subsequent posts, but I'd like to close this one with a interesting observation..

"DONT TRUST REALITY; AFTER ALL, ITS ONLY A COLLECTIVE HUNCH.."

Luv-n-Luck,
Av

Dedication..

Today's post shall be blank, as an expression of respect towards
Gaana Saraswati Smt. Kishori Amonkar. It is also an expression of disgust at and protest against the humiliation that she had to bear at the Vasantotsav last night.
I am near-certain that this post would not reach her, but I do not know another better way of telling her that I cried my heart out for twenty minutes after reaching home last night and that I found myself absolutely incapable of ingesting anything that could remotely be called my dinner. This is my way of observing "two minutes of silence" in cyberspace.













































Explanations in the next post. (Optional.)

Av

Strange flavour to this one...

The poem in this post is one of the earliest poems I've written, that you can categorize under "poems" at all... Hehehe.. I wrote it while sitting in the back of a sanskrit class in my class 12... The poem follows the thought that "a terrorist doesn't necessarily take up terrorism as a career" and is sometimes pushed into it due to various reasons. Since I had just begun to write poems, the flow and the meter of the poem is a bit stiff. Try not to take my case over it. Hehehe...

After all these years though, I have no recollection of why I chose to write a poem about a gun. The AK-47, as we know, was invented in 1947 by a man called Mikhail Kalashnikov, and hence it is sometimes referred to as

THE KALASHNIKOV

Born In The Vale Of Heaven On The Earth
Youngest In My Family, Dearest Since Birth
Born In The Refugee Camp, Hidden Even From The Sun
Unknowingly Hearing The Kalashnikov, The Life-Saving Gun.

I Grew Up Under The Flying Bullets, Zooming Right Above My Head
I Didn’t Know Why It Was Then, But The Ground Was Wet And Red
One Day All My Toys Shattered, And I Was Made To Run
Away From The Kalashnikov, The Life-Threatening Gun.

When I Was Ten, My Father Was Shot Right Before My Eyes
I Saw Death Face-To-Face; I Saw How A Human Dies
And Then I Knew, The Sounds Which I, Till Now Had Thought Were Fun,
Came From The Kalashnikov, The Life-Ending Gun.

At Fourteen, I Saw My Brothers Die, Shot At Just Like Dad
And Then I Saw The Killers, A Sight Which Drove Me Mad
Determined To Take Revenge, All Caution Did I Abandon
And Picked Up The Kalashnikov, My Life-Taking Gun.

Its finally a welcome change to post something that pertains to an emotion other than love, but I dont know if the poem really addresses other emotions in a way which really conveys them. Tell me what you think.

Love-n-Luck,
Av

Third Bottle of Wine..

Like my friends know very well, I am a true Gemini, a man of extremes.. Hence, after that blatant mushiness in the last post, comes another dose of anguish, called..

ALONE

With you i share my joys
And sadness i bear alone
Cause you can’t feel my heart
Beneath my flesh and bone..

You say we have been friends
Right from the start
Then why can’t you feel
The ache inside my heart?

You never tried to explore
The side of me you’ve never seen
You never ever gave a thought
To the friends we could have been..

You never thought about me as
A person on the whole
Then how could you have ever felt
The void inside my soul?

I’ve reached a point in my life
Where i can clearly see
The one thing you could never do
Was to believe in me..

Now i talk to myself
Cause it makes me believe
That i’ve got atleast one friend
Who would never leave..

You left me alone
Every time my heart was blue..

You left me alone
Every time i needed you..

You left me alone
Crying in the rain..

You left me alone
In my hours of pain..

You left me alone..


This is another song that I'd written at a time when I couldn't play it. Not even the verse chords I mean, leave along the heavy power-chords in the chorus. All the same, its a testimonial that music composition and technique with an instrument are more or less independant entities, both ways.

Post your thoughts!

Luv-n-Luck
Av

Second bottle of wine... :D

Here is the next installment of the old wine.. :D
Since the last one was a "break-up-ish" song, I decided to post something a bit mushy this time.. so here goes..

YOU AND YOUR EYES

When i am feeling alone and i can’t find my way,
When i’m feeling like it just isn’t my day,
When the storms in my heart just won’t abate,
When tomorrow seems to come twenty minutes late,

When i’m feeling deserted, i’m feeling left out,
When faith seems to have given way to doubt,
When i’m feeling too down to keep up the pace,
To you and your eyes, i turn for solace.

You bring me joy, and take away my pain
You make me feel complete yet once again.
There’s nothing else that brings me such peace,
As gazing into your eyes, as deep as the seas.

When over the edge of sanity i bend,
My head speaks a language i cant comprehend,
When i can see the sky but can't feel the ground,
When the world seems to spin the other way round,

When everything is wrong and nothing seems right,
When i have half a mind to give up the fight,
When everyone seems like death in disguise,
I turn for comfort to you and your eyes.

You bring me warmth, you keep me alive,
You give me faith to fight and survive,
Gazing into them fills my heart with love,
You eyes, as eternal as the endless skies above…


Like always, I'm eager to hear of the first thoughts that the verses above stir up in your minds..

Luvn-Luck,
Av

Old wine in a new bottle!!!

This time that I'd gone home, my mom put me through the torture of actually digging up and re-arranging my old cupboard... which actually proved to be a blessing in disguise, because I unearthed quite a few of my earthly posessions that I'd forgotten about.. One object among them being an old diary full of completed and incomplete poems. Over the next few days I'll be posting stuff from that diary, which contains quite a few old memories and sentiments. Whats interesting is how I can relate quite a few of them to the now completely changed circumstances of my life...
This is a song I wrote quite a few years ago. Infact even after I had composed it, I still couldnt play it myself on the guitar.. hehe.. so here goes..

HOLLOW

I Was Used To Walking Alone
And I Was Used To Being On My Own
But That Was Before The Day I Met You

I Was Used To Walking In The Rain
And I Was Used To Ignoring The Pain
But That Was Before I Felt Your Love So True

And Now You’ve Gone
And Left Me Where I Began
And I Can’t Live Away From You,

Cause Now I’m Alone
Trying To Do What I Can
To Save My World From Going Blue,

I Try To Break Free,
But I Can Clearly See,
Baby You Took Away My Soul With You...
Baby You Took Away My Soul With You...

I Was Used To Holding Your Hand
And I Thought I Could Understand
Every Little Thing Deep Inside Of You

I’d Seen Loneliness Up Close
Thought I Understood The Way Time Flows
Never Thought I’d Go Back To Being Lonely Too

But Now You’re Gone
And At Crossroads Is Where I Am
Trying To Find A Road To Somewhere New

But How Can I Walk
Even A Step Without Your Hand
When All My Roads Lead To You?

I Try To Break Away
But This Is All I Have To Say
Baby You Took Away My Soul With You…
Baby You Took Away My Soul With You…



In the face of my better abilities on the guitar now, lets see if I can perform this and put up a video or something.. Tell me what you think of it, though.

Luv-n-Luck,
Av

The blog is alive!!!!

I AM BACK!!

After about a bazillion days since I wrote my last post, my meandering mind has generated some stuff with enough words within itself that rhyme amongst themselves, for me to call it a poem!! I’m sure that it will mean very different things to different people.. I’d love to hear about what it means to you.. So get back to me, folks!! Here goes..


ONE

Seek me in the young son clutching his mother’s hand
Seek me in the brave soldier dying for his motherland

Find me in the absolute freedom of an eagle’s flight
Find me in the enslaved fear of a tyrant’s evil might

Seek me in the bejeweled crown on an emperor’s head
Seek me in the torn fabric of a pauper’s makeshift bed

Find me in the momentary gratification of a sexual sin
Find me in the hollow left when something dies within

Seek me in the brutality of a murderer ending a life
Seek me in the benevolent cruelty of a surgeon’s knife

Find me in the stark reality of a dying man’s last sigh
Find me in the common miracle of a newborn’s first cry

Seek me in life and in death and everything in between
Seek me in all that you can see and all that is unseen

Seek me at last within yourself and then shall you see
Find that I am one with you and you are one with me..


This is probably the first poem I’ve written that I’m not entirely sure what it is about. But rather than admitting that I’m too dumb to understand what I write, I’d prefer to say that the poem has “emerged from my subconscious and my conscious is not immediately perceptive to the voice of my sub-conscious!!"
Hehehe… do I sound high-nosed enough??
Also, while composing this one, I have affirmed an interesting comparision I have believed in for quite some time now.Expect to hear about it soon!! But let me know what you think of this one first..

Luv-n-Luck
Av