POPS !

Learn to live in the moment, they say. Without being weighed down by your past, or being pulled too fast by your future. Every once in a while, I have a moment in my life, which seems to have more life in the moment than usual. While the feelings possibly experienced in such moments encompass the full spectrum of human emotions, I believe what is common is that they irreversibly change the way you look at something. Such moments tend to stick out in your memory like bookmarks in your life. I call such moments Points Of Paradigm Shift, or POPS. Quite the appropriate onomatopoeia, eh?

So this is a song about a moment in time, when on a relatively secluded beach in Konkan, albeit in unthoughtful jest, I was down on one knee, holding a fused light-bulb and looking into eyes that were suddenly filled with a haunting blend of unexpected emotions.

LIGHT OF MY LIFE

I've never been the kind
Who go around searching for love
I've never believed love's blind
Or that happiness comes from above..

I've never believed in fate
Or that destiny is real
And all this talk of a soul-mate
Has always felt so surreal..

All my life, I've lived an illusion
And never dared to face my fears..
But I've broken free of this delusion
In this moment with you, right here...

Now I'm on my knees
And I can suddenly see things right
I'm begging baby, please
Say, you'll be the light... of my life...

Much as I would love to, I can't really elucidate upon 'see things right'. Not as a matter of intent, but as a matter of ability. Someday, I hope to be able to write in words expressive enough to really encompass the beauty of the moment and the depth of the realizations within it. Maybe then, I could call it an apology. From naiveté to hurt feelings.

Luv-n-Luck,
Av

A curious co-incidence..

Today is the would-have-been 2nd anniversary of me taking up a job in the alternately flourishing and floundering IT industry. While I am extremely happy to be not in a mundane developer job anymore, I was surely contemplating posting something about it.

A few minutes back I opened my old acoustic guitar cover, and it has yielded a poem I had written way back in early 2005, when I was saying my good-byes to my graduate college. Corny and clumsy as it is, I wanted to share it because it brought a flood of memories back to me.

The poem is in keeping with the theme of a farewell, and while it was untitled back then, I've thought of christening it as

NOT A FAREWELL

When tomorrow starts without me
I'll not be there to see
If the rising sun would find your eyes
All filled with tears for me..

I wish so much that you wouldnt cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say..

I know how much you love me
As much or more than I love you
And each time that I think of you
I know you'll miss me too..

So when tomorrow starts without me
Don't think that we're far apart
For every time you think of me
I'll be right here, in your heart...

Ta-daa! Its ok, don't take my case over it. :)

Luv-n-Luck,

Av

The girl at office..

In the dying hours of another V-day spent alone, I can't help but reminisce about her..

So much for not dipping your pen into the company ink. Here goes..

I see her often at office. I wish I could say I see her everyday. But history bears testimony to the fact that fate has long been the tormentor of love. Sometimes we talk, and sometimes we don't. But I hardly notice that, because she speaks to me beyond words. Her very presence speaks to my soul. When I can see her, I don't just see. I observe. I hear. I smell. I taste. I feel. She makes me understand what John Denver was referring to when he sang "You fill up my senses".

The gal who struck up the conversation with me on the first day, when I was still gathering courage to smile at her.

The gal who used to pretend she didn't notice when I walked in through the door of the training room, only to check me out later when I was busy with my work.

The gal who was unsure of exactly how far I would allow someone while having a personal discussion.

The gal who was genuinely concerned more about me cracking the acceptance test than herself.

The gal who tries to be by my side in a group photo, even if it means me holding a couple of fingers as horns behind her head.

The gal who smiles assuringly at me when someone opposes my opinion over something.

The gal who likes to say "thank you" or "sorry" to me once in a while, for reasons that generally escape me.

The gal who likes to pretend that she didn't really care, when I open a door for her, or walk on the outer side of the street.

The gal who keeps track of how long it has been since we had a photo taken of just the two of us.

The gal who blushes and lowers her gaze when I just look into her eyes without smiling when she wishes me goodmorning.

The gal who pauses outside the music room and listens to me pounding on the drums, or strumming the strings, without coming in because she thinks it would distract me.

The gal who sometimes gives me big, warm smiles for apparently no reason at all.

The gal who reads up on some topics on wikipedia, that she knows I'm currently high on, just so that she can understand what the blabbering is all about.

The gal who assures me that it makes her feel good when I am protective of her, when I express my doubts about how far people should interfere in each other's lives.

The gal who gives me the whole box of traditional sweets sent to her from home, because she knows I love them.

The gal who sends me meaningless messages over chat when she can't think of anything to say to start the conversation.

The gal who calls me names, or pretends to be angry at me, if she feels that I haven't been giving her attention for the last few days.

The gal who I can compliment just by smiling at her and nodding my head in silent approval.

The gal whose cute nose wiggles ever so slightly, acting as a give-away sign, when she disapproves of something.

The gal who pretends to be not very hungry and asks me to finish her tiffin, as she knows I crave home-cooked food.

The gal who wears a new accessory to office and then waits patiently for me to take notice.

The gal who puts up with my wierd ideas and numerous offshoots in the course of a discussion.

The gal who sometimes stays back late because my work is not done, just so that we can go back in the same bus.

The gal who then lets me sleep on the bus, even though she wants to talk.

The gal who holds my hand just a jiffy too long when we shake hands.

The gal who learns the crazy handshakes I teach her and agrees to do them everytime we meet.

The gal who pauses a moment before we part everytime, evaluating the possibility of a good-bye hug.

The gal who gently snuggles up to me when I place an arm around her, and sometimes lays her head gently on my shoulder.

The babe with the beautiful hair.

The hot chick with the long legs, AND high heels.

The enchantress with the mesmerizing eyes.

I could go on and on.. But there's just one thing I'd like to say:

I really wish all of these were the one, same gal!

Hahaha! Valentine's fool!!

But on a personal note, a big, warm hug to all my female friends who can relate to something above. You are indeed special to me, and in my own quirky way, I love you more than you'll ever know.

Keep the faith,

Av

When Love kills Love

Since today morning, I have been listening to a single song on infinite loop so I thought that I would share it with everyone. The song is called When Love Kills Love and its by the band Scorpions. Scorpions has always been one of my favourite bands for their uncanny ability to strike an amazing balance between intensity and sensitivity. Then, a few weeks ago, I bought a DVD of their concert Acoustica and life hasn't been the same ever since. The concert was performed inside a monastery called Convento do Beato in Lisbon, Portugal. The DVD was shot using 12 cameras and needless to say, is breathtaking. The ensemble included a piano, a cello and an extra percussion section other than the regular band members. They performed a nice mix of their all time hits, a few new songs and even a couple of covers, totalling up to 21 songs. The most amazing part is that the music arrangements for all the songs were completely re-done for the acoustic instruments setup. Absolutely a must-check-out piece of rock music history!

The lyrics for the song are also superbly written. Listen closely!
Here's the song:


This is probably the first and only acoustic song yet to which I have head-banged like I did today morning. I just couldn't resist its groovy feel. Also, I thought that it would make an interesting follow-up to the last post, giving the Hedgehog's Dilemma a new, intriguing twist!
In closing, here are my instantaneous thoughts on the topic:

When love kills love
Its just love gone blind
For true love never dies
Lingers on in heart & mind

When love kills love
Its no more than suicide
I thought I had you killed
But it was me who died..

Luv-n-luck,
Av

CRUSH.. Part II

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!

After I went home last night, my thoughts were more or less fixated on
it being the Valentine Day's eve and I was thinking of all the Valentine Days
in the years gone by. Also (probably because I love to dwell on the "irony" aspect of things in general these days),I was thinking of how my ranting and raving in the last post has probably left me looking like a completely hopeless UN-romantic.
In the time-honored tradition of true-blue Geminis, I hate to be categorized into so extreme a sect, so just to mix up things a bit, and because today's the day of love,I decided to post a mushy little poem/song that I had composed a few years back. Although I'm sure she'll not read this, but if she does, a certain female friend of mine would smile to reminisce of a particular Valentine's Day, the singular high-point of which was she screaming
"I love you, Av!!", in public, at the top of her lungs, because she thought I'd written it for her.
(Which I'd not, just to set the record straight!)
Life's crazy sometimes.. But anyway, here goes!


Tonight

Tonight as I watch
The lights across the skies,
Feels like I'm gazing
Deep into your eyes..

Reminds me of the days
When my life was just as bright,
As my heart burning for you, tonight..

Tonight as i walk
Down the streets of my heart,
Feels like the place
Is falling apart..

It's paining since the day you went
And it puts me in a plight,
To feel my heart aching for you, tonight..

Tonight as i dream
Of you in my sleep
I know you will return
You have promises to keep

I'll take you in my arms
And hold you close and tight
As both our hearts melt into one, tonight..



Damn!! I wish I hadn't posted this. I could have actually used it with some good effect today!! Hehe..
But after all is said and done, more is actually said than done!! So I guess posting this has been a good choice after all.. :D

Luv-n-Luck,
Av

CRUSH.. Part I

I suspect this is going to be the first post where I am gonna give away more than I would like to. Of course, poems offer a view into a person's inside like nothing else can, but thats not so obvious to most people. Anyway, here goes...

As one grows up, one's opinion of the world apparently grows less and less rosy, compared to the carefree thoughts of childhood. Ever since I can remember, I have been wondering about the beauty of the English language. However, it is hardly surprising that in recent times, I have been thinking more about the irony of it. Take the word CRUSH for instance; isn't it really ironic how it can mean two exactly opposite emotions? The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines crush as

Crush [1,Verb]: to suppress or overwhelm as if by pressure or weight
Crush [2,Noun]: an intense and usually passing infatuation

Now to me, its really interesting how the failure of Crush(2) can sometimes lead to an experience of Crush(1) on one's heart!! What is really ironic to me is that I have not experienced EITHER of the two crushes. Never in my life ( and I am REALLY thankful for this part) have I experienced an intense instantaneous sadness that has been heavy enough to crush my heart. Also, never in my life ( this part, I'm not that thankful about.. :D) have I felt the sudden and sometimes momentary rush of feelings for a single special person that is generally associated with Crush(2).

This can mean two things.
1) I have been really fortunate to not experience any major tragedies, and I have been a bit unfortunate on the count that I have not yet run into anyone who really rubs me the right way cause she kind of fits my idea of a crush instantly.

2) I am too practical-headed and stone-hearted, too disconnected and aloof, to experience any emotion in an extreme state.

Both these possibilities shall probably be pondered upon aloud in the subsequent posts, but I'd like to close this one with a interesting observation..

"DONT TRUST REALITY; AFTER ALL, ITS ONLY A COLLECTIVE HUNCH.."

Luv-n-Luck,
Av

Love: Deconstructed!

First (and definitely the most), i would like to appreciate the time and effort everyone has put in and posted the comments.. and yes, i have to agree with what Sankalpa said (although i too didnt get in one reading what he meant to say in his post!) I do rather love to hear what thoughts my thoughts provoke into people's brains. People who have no clue of what i'm saying are requested to read the comments.

But i'm posting something that serves to justify Sankalpa's point and illustrate how your thoughts can provoke new thoughts in my brain too! Its a poem i finished today morning. I was thinking along these lines since coupla days, but Sankalpa's descriptions of the "sexy girl" sure took my thoughts in a new direction! I was thinking of making this into a song and had taken up my guitar too, but it seemed the "poem-ish" types! So here it is!

Since it was just a few hours back that i've finished this, i dont have a title for it yet. Suggestions for titles are encouraged in your replies, folks! Even if they are longer than

"Walking on the fine line between love and crushes!"

I cant deny i love her smile
But would that change after a while?
And i long for her every touch
Tomorrow would i feel just as much?

And every time i see her face
It takes me to that special place
But would i stay there all my life?
Would i want her to be my wife?

There is no doubt, i find her cute
But i'm not sure that wont transmute
And she's hot, that i'll concede
But is she all that i'll ever need?

Just thinking of this femme petite
Makes my heart always skip a beat
Would this feeling last all my life?
Would i want her to be my wife?

At the crossroads of love and life
I'm face to face with this odd choice
Yet after all this joy and strife
I just can't seem to find my voice..

How can i say that this emotion
Is nothing else but love for sure
For i am not certain if my notion
Can live up to the word's grandeur..

When i'm not sure of what i feel
A name for it then how do i find?
With matters of heart how do i deal
With arguments born inside my mind?


I guess the poem says it all and so I have nothing more to say about it except that this is one of my EXTREMELY rare, open ended poems, in the sense that I have not drawn it to any conclusions. Tell me what you think of this.

On another note, my fortunate friends who attended the IRON MAIDEN concert have told me that it was fabulous, and BRUCE DICKINSON said that they'l be back soon, and if it gets really awesome, the'd be having an annual EDDFEST in India every year!!!
\m/ hell yeah!!!

Av